Top 100 Forex Handlare Statistik In Medicin

Ofta ställda frågor. Håll en fråga till oss Ditt svar finns i våra vanliga frågor. Vad handlar det om? Vi handlar om att hjälpa valutahandlare att hjälpa sig. Vi har School of Pipsology ett globalt samhälle av valutahandlare på vårt forum. Handy Forex-verktyg som den ekonomiska kalendern och vår forexpedia och slutligen handel bloggar som ständigt uppdateras med marknadsanalys Allt det gratis Kan jag starta en blogg i avsnittet Bloggar är inte öppen för ändringar av allmänheten Vi har vårt eget team av kickassskrivare dedikerade till uppdatering Blogs-sektionen Om en plats öppnas kommer vi definitivt att meddela att du aldrig vet att Huck kan en dag hitta mannen i sina drömmar och bestämma att fokusera på det Eller kanske Robopip måste gå tillbaka till vilken planet han är från igen Bjudar du på andra språk Nope No Nein Inte än ändå Men vi arbetar för närvarande med att översätta skolan för pipsologi på ytterligare språk, inklusive spanska, portugisiska och kanske kinesiska flera språk att följa s o behöver inte oroa dig Andra områden kommer att översättas strax efter det Det tar mycket tid och arbete, så var snäll och håll dig uppdaterad. Bjud dig mobila e-postuppdateringar för nya blogginlägg Inga direkta mobila uppdateringar, dvs textmeddelanden, men du kan alltid prenumerera via Twitter, RSS-flöden och e-postabonnemang Det är enkelt att ställa in för meddelandena som ska skjutas till din mobil Jag vill lära sig forex Hur Om du är ivrig att börja lära sig om valutahandel, föreslår vi att du gör din väg över till School of Pipsology vår egen guide för undervisning av nybörjare hur man handlar valutamarknaden Vi börjar dig i förskola undervisa dig grunderna i Forex och därifrån lär du dig mer komplicerade ämnen hela vägen till examen all självstudie, utarbetad på egen hand, lärandet vid skolan för pipsologi, vi tillhandahåller också regelbundet uppdaterade bloggar ett communityforum där du kan byta frågor och svar med andra registrerade medlemmar, vår Forex pedia av forextermer och definitioner och flera verktyg som miniräknare och en kalender Hur registrerar jag mig med Vad får jag Registrering och det är det Vad får du Du får hela awesomeness av laget och samhället Det är helt GRATIS och det finns inget att köpa men massor att vinna. School of Pipsology Questions. Where kan jag få PDF-filen Finns det en För den nuvarande och superhäftiga versionen av School of Pipsology har vi bara en online-närvaro och ingenting i utskrivbart eller elektroniskt format Innan du funderar på att skapa en för dig själv eller till och med för distribution, här är det därför vi avskyr att Skolan för pipsologi är något vi arbetade väldigt hårt på Otaliga timmar av forskning och skrivning spenderades för att göra allt detta tillsammans och det bästa sättet att du vill stödja det är att gå till vår hemsida och läsa den därifrån. Det är trots allt gratis. Vill ha dem PDF-filer. Du kanske vill kolla in våra aktuella PDF-filer tillgängliga online. Har du en utskriftsversion av skolan Nej. Vi wan t för att rädda jorden Gå grön yo Jag hörde att du har en PDF till salu Är det sant jag kan inte hitta var man kan köpa det Det brukade vara sant Vi erbjuder inte PDF till salu längre och vi har inte sålt det för över Två år nu Men du kan alltid komma till skolans onlineversion. Det är GRATIS. Kan jag få en kopia av Pipsology School PDF? Nej, det kan du inte. Vi har inte en. Vad hände med frågorna i skolan är Du tar dem tillbaka Definitivt Vi tog bort dem när vi uppgraderade skolan 2010 Eftersom innehållet ändrats ändrade frågeproblemen också Vi har arbetat med att uppdatera frågorna för att återspegla allt nytt innehåll och se till att vi har allt på plats Varför Skolan kommer inte ihåg mina framsteg Uh, det här låter som ett problem med en webbläsarekaka. Den nya skolans minnesfunktion är inte faktiskt knuten till ditt användarkonto, men till din dator, eller mer specifikt, din webbläsare. Du måste ha cookies aktiverade för den här funktionen till din webbläsare kan ta bort cookies när det är stängt som en säkerhetsåtgärd Bekräfta att cookies är aktiverade och att de inte raderas när webbläsaren är stängd. Om säkerhet är ett problem och du vill ta bort cookies, ger varje webbläsare ett sätt att spara specifika cookies När du blir av med resten Processen att göra detta är webbläsarspecifikt, men en snabb Internet-sökning borde få dig fixad Om det inte fungerar jobbar på oss via jag precis avslutat skolan för pipsologi Nu vad du kanske vill börja med Cowabunga System Det utvecklades av vår egen Pip Surfer som ett exempel på hur du skapar ditt eget system. Han är till och med tilldelad en veckoprofil för den. Bloggen har varit tillgänglig för en tid nu, men om du av någon märklig anledning har t hört om det ännu, kanske vill läsa vanliga frågor om att kolla på våra forum, som också har täckt Cowabunga-systemet sedan 2007. Vi hoppas det hjälper till med att formulera ditt eget system Lycka till. Reklamrelaterade frågor. Varför kan jag inte cess Låt oss få dig fixad Då behöver vi dig att ge oss mer information om vad du upplever som felmeddelanden du har fått, din IP-adress, vad du gjorde innan du inte kunde komma åt en viss sida osv. Med alla den här informationen kan vi hjälpa dig bättre och snabbare Skicka dem till Varför kan jag aktivera mitt konto Försök att klicka på verifieringslänken vi skickade dig efter att du registrerat dig Kontrollera din skräppostmapp om det gick dit Om det inte fungerar jobbar du Kan alltid begära en annan verifieringslänk via och vi ska skicka dig en ASAP Vad är fel med mitt användarnamn Varför kan jag använda det här användarnamnet Inget är fel med ditt användarnamn, någon slår dig bara till det Låt oss tänka på något annat Om du kan Tänk på någonting, kanske kan du prata med oss ​​på Twitter och vi kan komma med ett galet namn för dig. Kan jag ändra mitt användarnamn men givetvis bara släpp ett meddelande via med ditt användarnamn och vi kommer att göra det för dig Kom ihåg att maila oss med din registrerade e-postadress t hough Hur ändrar eller återställer jag mitt lösenord För att ändra ditt lösenord, logga bara in och gå till din användarkontrollpanel För att återställa ditt lösenord eller användarnamn Klicka bara på den här länken och vi kommer att få det skickat till din registrerade e-postadress Hur postar jag En fråga i ditt forum Här är de enkla stegvisa åtgärderna för att ställa en fråga på forumet. Log in i ditt konto. Gå vidare till forumet. Välj ett underforum där du vill lägga upp din fråga, t. ex. Newbie Island. Om du frågar en Ny fråga, klicka på knappen NÖD NYT TREAD som ligger under meddelandet. Skriv in din titel och fråga och klicka sedan på knappen SUBMIT NEW THREAD. Om du svarar på en befintlig tråd, hitta den tråd du vill svara på eller delta i. Inom tråden klickar du på REPLY knappen längst ned till höger om det första inlägget. Du kan också använda avsnittet SNABBBARHET under det senaste inlägget för att snabbt lägga till dina kommentarer utan de avancerade inställningarna. Hur ser jag den äldsta posta först i t Hans forum Med magi Följ bara dessa steg. Klicka på forumet om det inte redan finns. Klicka på Användar-CP högst upp på sidan Forum UserCP Chat Room Vad är New. Select General Settings. Move ner till avsnittet för trådvisningsläge och välj Linjär äldsta först från dropdown. Click Save Changes längst ner på sidan. Voila Du kan nu njuta av att visa dina forumtrådar med det äldsta inlägget på toppen. Varför är min e-postadress avbannad Det är mycket möjligt att din e-post-IP adress blockeras av oss för antingen skräppost eller för överdriven kopiering nedladdning av vårt innehåll Överdriven nedladdning leder till prestationsproblem för hela samhället och vi ber om att du slutar göra detta låter som ditt problem, skicka oss ett mail via Kan jag avbryta ta bort mitt konto Hur gör jag det Du lämnar oss Men varför Om du kan skicka ett mail till din registrerade e-postadress som begär att ditt konto ska bli avbrutet och varför kommer vi genast att skicka ett bekräftelsemail Kom ihåg det här men vi kommer alltid vara här för dig och väntar Registrera igen när rätt tid kommer. Varför kan jag lägga upp visningsfiler i forumet En anledning att du inte kan posta eller visa filer beror på att du inte är inloggad Did du är säker på att du är Vad du inte har ett konto Tja då är det dags att registrera. Affärsmöjligheter. Kan jag annonsera med dig Ja du kan om du är en direktmäklare, bara bannerannonsering. Men vi är öppna för andra mäklareförhållanden och erbjudanden också Kan jag länka till din hemsida Du kan definitivt länka till vår hemsida Vi d bli hedrade Kan jag översätta skolan för pipsologi för dig Vi förstår att engelska inte är det primära språket i det mesta av världen och det en översättning av vårt innehåll till ett nytt språk skulle öppna utbildning för fler människor men vi tillåter inte kopiering och eller omfördelning av vårt innehåll. Detta skulle likna licensiering av vårt innehåll, vilket vi inte gör för vårt innehåll, men det är definitivt tillåtet Vi hoppas Att rulla ut nya språk från School of Pipsology under det kommande året Kan jag marknadsföra min icke-forex-produkt med dig Annonser är endast öppna för valutahandelnare Just nu kan jag kopiera dina saker Tyvärr tillåter vi inte kopiering och eller omfördelning av vårt innehåll Detta skulle likna licensiering av vårt innehåll som vi inte erbjuder Du kan alltid länka men Kan jag få läggas till i din mäklarelista Skicka oss ett mail på om detta och vi kommer tillbaka till dig Kan du granska min produkttjänst På Vi skriver inte produktservice recensioner från ett kampanjperspektiv på oss. Du kan vara intresserad av vår systerwebbplats. Där kan du skicka in ditt företag och produktinformation för granskning av vår gemenskap av valutahandlare. Det skulle naturligtvis kräva att någon har faktiskt använde din programvara så det är inte en total lösning Men det är en aveny för att få ditt produktnamn där ute Och det är helt gratis Vill du byta länkar Vi måste respektera säga nej tack Vi don t delta i länkutbyten Representerar du en mäklare Nej det gör vi inte Vi är rent en online utbildningsresurs Forex Trading Questions. Can jag litar på de företag som du annonserar på din webbplats Det är en mycket viktig fråga som vi inte kan svara med ett enkelt ja eller nej Vi har många annonsörer som vi har arbetat med i flera år. Dessa annonsörer visas på vår hemsida med hjälp av annonser och företagslogotyper, som du kommer att se i sponsorsektionerna hos våra skol - och bloggsponsorer som du ser på vår hemsida har Har arbetat med oss ​​nästan sedan början av 2006 Dessa sponsorer har uppvisat ärlighet och integritet i affärer med vårt företag Som sagt, att vara så objektiva som möjligt för vår grupp av medlemmar och gäster, stöder vi inte specifikt någon mäklare eller annonsör, eller deras produkter eller tjänster. Det är där samhällets makt, och speciellt vår Broker Guide och forum, kommer in i bilden The For sam kommer att ge dig förstahandskunskap från näringsidkare som har direkt erfarenhet av olika annonsörer och deras produkter eller tjänster Broker Guide ger dig information som skickas direkt till oss av mäklare om deras erbjudanden. Kombinera dessa två kunskapsområden och vi är säkra på att ni kommer att vara kunna göra det bästa beslutet för dig Om du behöver mer än bara en andras ord för att känna dig trygg, gå vidare till US Commodity Futures Trading Commission hemsida eller National Futures Association webbplats. De är regleringsorganen för valutorna och terminerna industrier i USA De kan kasta ytterligare ljus på några av de mäklare som intresserar dig. Men du måste också hålla ett öga på vilka annonser du tittar på. Vi arbetar med Google Advertising för att tillhandahålla annonser som de slumpmässigt placerar i utvalda områden av vår sida Vid utformning av deras system hänför sig annonserna till Forex, men vi har inte fullständig kontroll över vilka annonser Googl E platser på vår webbplats Hur lång tid tar det för att bli en framgångsrik näringsidkare Trading är en prestationsförmåga som sport, konst, medicin mm Utbildningen och kunskapen finns där ute, men har du disciplin att lära och utveckla en metod som fungerar för dig Har du vad som krävs för att gå upp till plattan, ta risker och göra det arbete som behövs för att granska och förbättra din handel Du kan också styra dina känslor när, inte IF, du förlorar pengar När du har spelat plan som fungerar för dig, kommer du fortfarande kunna hålla fast vid det dag in och dag ut Det finns inget svar på din fråga som har en allmän tillämpning Den tid det tar är verkligen upp till den tid och ansträngning du lägger på för att lära och Övning och din situation i livet. Men om du fortfarande letar efter ett mer definitivt svar finns här ett par citat för att ge dig en bättre uppfattning om den tid det tar att vara en framgångsrik näringsidkare Mike Bellafiore medgrundare av prop trading fast SMB Capital säger, det är vanligt för erfaren trader S att erkänna att de inte visste vad de gjorde förrän efter tre till fem år. Och från sin bok Enhancing Trader Performance erkänner Brett Steenbarger att det tar ungefär 10 år med avsiktlig praxis att behärska konsten att handla, liksom alla annan färdighet Hur beräknar jag svängpunkter Du kan beräkna svängpunkter med någon tidsram. Allt du behöver är startpris, nära pris, högt pris och låg instans, under tidsramen tittar du på om det är 1 dag, 1 vecka , eller 1 månad, ta bara inträdespriset, det höga priset, den låga och slutkursen, och klistra in dessa siffror i vår handy-dandy-pivotpunktsräknare här. Det kommer att beräkna pivotpunkterna för de närmaste 12 timmarna du är tittar på Ok Om du vill lära dig mer om svängpunkter och hur du beräknar dem, besök vår svängpunktsläsning här. Hur mycket ska jag riskera per handel? Om du är nybörjare, ska din konto risk vara så liten som möjligt. Anledningen till att vi s det här beror på att du inte har tillräckligt med statistik på ditt system eller handelsmetod för att optimera din konto risk per handel. Du vet inte hur ofta du förlorar, hur stora dina drawdowns är, dina längsta förlorande strimmor, du har samlat tillräckligt med information om din handel vi föreslår ett års värde för handel, då kan du börja anpassa din konto risk per handel till din riskkomfortnivå. I allmänhet föreslår vi inte att någon riskerar att förlora mer än 1 av ditt konto per handel. Återigen är detta allt Baserat på din riskkomfortnivå Läs upp vår riskhanteringsskolelektion för mer information Hur lång tid ska du spendera på handel per dag Vi är inte säkra på hur andra handlare handlar, så vi kan inte tala generellt. För vår stil, diskretionär handel, Vi lägger generellt in en timme eller två av forskning och planering innan vi börjar handla för dagen. Efter att vi är färdiga för dagen, lägger vi en timme eller två in på dagens händelser och prisåtgärder, sedan granska och räkna ut sätt t O förbättra våra beslutsprocesser och riskförlopp, om du handlar längre tidsramar, blir processen inte så tidskrävande. Så här gör vi det och vi föreslår alltid att du hittar egna metoder och sätt att handla. Konton Vi är inte mäklare och erbjuder inte någon form av mäklare eller demo trading konton Om du är intresserad av att öppna ett demokonto, gå vidare till vår Mäklare Guide för mer information Vi hjälper dig att välja den mäklare som är rätt för dig Bortsett från det har forumen också en Forex Mäklare-sektion som kan vara av intresse för dig Nya och erfarna handelsmän diskutera allting och avgifter, recensioner, rekommendationer, bonusar relaterade till Forex Brokers Bjudar du på live, ansikte mot ansikte träningskurser Är rent en online pedagogisk resurs Vi erbjuder inte några ansikts - eller seminarier Vi tänker på att vår skönhet kan vara ett problem Ta vårt ord för det Det är svårt att koncentrera oss när vi stirrar in i våra ansikten Hur mycket pengar behövs t O öppna ett handelskonto Sedan du ställde den frågan, gå vidare till School of Pipsology Vi tycker att du är en perfekt kandidat Det är helt gratis, det är webbaserat och mycket roligt. Dessutom är du bunden av att lära dig något Eller två När det gäller din fråga, om du är helt ny på Forex, föreslår vi att du börjar med noll som är rätt, ingenting. Du behöver åtminstone lära dig grunderna innan du ens tänker på att kasta pengar på ett handelskonto. sätt upp till så lite som 500 igen, gå över till School of Pipsology Du vann inte ångra det Vilken mäklare rekommenderar du Vi försöker hålla oss så objektiva som möjligt genom att inte rekommendera specifika mäklare Det här är bäst för varje näringsidkare är annorlunda i Deras tillvägagångssätt och handelsstilar, så en mäklare kan arbeta för en men inte en annan. Gå vidare till vår Broker Guide och vår mäklare recension avsnitt för mer info. Kommer du att handla mina pengar till mig Finns det företag som kommer att handla för mig Ja det finns många företag som w Illa handla dina pengar för å andra sidan ta ställningen att försöka utbilda näringsidkare så att de kan handla själva. Med det faktum rekommenderar vi inte något specifikt företag. Du kan alltid göra en sökning på plats med hjälp av sökrutan högst upp på vår webbsida för hanterade konton för att hjälpa dig med att eventuellt hitta recensioner om sådana tjänster. Vad är det bästa sättet att hålla reda på min handelshistoria. Gå över till forumets forum för handelstidskrifter. Ta det första steget till att bygga din Disciplin Spela in och dela med dig av dina framsteg, handelsideer, handelsresultat, psykologtillstånd före och efter och mer Läs mer om varför du behöver en handelsdagbok i vår skola av pipsologi här. Hur lagen från de väldiga få hjälper Forex Traders. How lagen om Den Vital Få Hjälper Forex Traders. Submitted av Adil on Mon, 11 18 2013 - 09 40.Tagged som Forex Trading Forex Trading. Some forskningsverksamheter är så lysande att de kommer att lämna några av oss korsögda genom att tänka över 80 20 regel också känd som lagen av de vitala få, är en sådan forskning Jag har en intrig för att se detta arbete som tillhör filosofin, även om dess rötter ligger i matematik och vetenskap Vilfredo Pareto fann att denna lag existerar i naturen också. Han fick reda på att 80 av Ärterna kom från 20 ärter i hans trädgård. Men helt enkelt säger lagen att de flesta av resultaten är hänförliga till en handfull orsaker till en viss händelse. Från företag, programvaruteknik till medicin har denna regel funnit enorm effekt i varje enskilt fall Till exempel i företag 80 av ett företags försäljning från 20 av sina produkter, i mjukvaruutveckling 20 av buggar av ett operativsystem för att ta itu med 80 av krascher och fel eller i vården 80 av skador som kommer från 20 sårbarheter Vilfredo Pareto har redan observerat fenomenet biologiskt i hans ärtor pods. Largely, lagen av vitala få är tillämpliga i forex trading samt Undersökningar och statistik sammanställd av ledande mäklare och erfarenheter av ledande handlare uppvisar existens av en sort av 80 20 regel i forex Dessa undersökningar, statistik och erfarenheter observerar att det mesta av vinsten härstammar från minst antal affärer, förutom en liten tid mestadels är marknaden inte värd att handla eller att ett stort antal framgångsrika affärer Är enklare medan ett fåtal är svåra att genomföra. Dessa resultat visar att de flesta forexresultaten, antingen positiva eller negativa, är resultatet av några orsaker. Det här är viktig information för alla handlare där ute. Om du observerar även din egen handel Resultat kommer du att se att de flesta av dina vinster kommer från några framgångsrika affärer. Den lektion du kan härleda från denna information, med tillstånd av Vilfredo Pareto, är att du borde fokusera på en liten minoritet av affärer. De flesta av handlarna, inklusive mig, är För ivrig att göra ett antal affärer för att göra mer vinst Istället leder denna attityd till förluster de flesta gånger. Om du har slagit tillräckligt med valutahandel, kommer du att hålla med om att marknaden inte alltid är Ger de lämpliga inställningarna för det mesta Vi måste vänta och fiska dessa stunder ut Därför ger bara en handfull gånger marknaden möjlighet att handla med möjligheter Under valutahandel är det många gånger att göra ingenting det bästa att göra Som en näringsidkare, Särskilt som daghandlare, bör du också inse att enklaste handelsstrategier, tekniker och ansträngningar får dig att belönas mest kostnadseffektivt. Kärnpunkten i denna diskussion om valutahandel kan inte vara mycket enklare, du måste fokusera på ett litet antal affärer, vara tålmodig för marknaden för att visa oddsen som är mest gynnsamma för dig och använda enklare verktyg för handelsanalys och verkställande. Ju färre och enklare affärer desto bättre är belöningarna, därmed lagen om viktiga få. Top Trading Brokers. Terms Villkor Sekretesspolicy. IntelliTraders gör acceptera inget ansvar för förlust eller skada som ett resultat av att du har tillit till informationen på denna webbplats, detta inkluderar utbildningsmaterial, prisnoteringar och diagram samt en nalys Var försiktig med riskerna i samband med handel på de finansiella marknaderna, investera aldrig mer pengar än du riskerar att förlora. Riskerna med att handla binära alternativ är höga och kanske inte är lämpliga för alla investerare. IntelliTraders behåller inte ansvaret för eventuella handelsförluster du kan ansikte som ett resultat av att använda de data som finns på denna webbplats. Vissa binära optionsföretag regleras inte i USA med regleringsorgan. IntelliTraders Network är pedagogiskt material och inte handelsrådgivning. Handel på egen risk. Sign in med Facebook. Register för. Frihandel Varningar Utbildning 1-till-1 Support eToro Copytrader Tips. Ny användare Vänligen registrera Logga in. En vacker kvinna kom in i en bar och satt bredvid en advokat. Lyssna älskling, sa hon. För 50 gör jag absolut vad som helst du vill ha. Advokaten drog femtio dollar från sin plånbok och sa, Måla mitt hus. Efter år av räkning och räddning, berättade en man sin fru de goda nyheterna. Älskling, vi har äntligen gått t tillräckligt med pengar för att köpa det vi började spara för 1979 Du menar en helt ny Cadillac hon frågade ivrigt Nej, sade mannen, en Cadillac. A 1979-affärsman ringde och hade en fråga om de dokument som han behövde för att flyga till Kina Efter en lång diskussion om pass, påminde jag honom om att han behövde visum. Åh nej, jag har inte varit i Kina många gånger och behövde aldrig ha någon av de som jag dubbelkontrollerade, och visst nog krävde hans vistelse visum. När jag sa Han det här sade han: Se, jag har varit i Kina fyra gånger och varje gång de har accepterat mitt American Express. TECH Hej, vänligt Internet, kan jag hjälpa dig. KUNDEN Åh hej ung man undrar jag om du erbjuder online banking. TECH Vi Du är en Internetleverantör. Du kan säkert använda vår tjänst för att ansluta till online banking. CUSTOMER Vad behöver jag göra. TECH Du behöver bara modemet i din dator som pluggar in i en telefonjacka Registrera dig för ett konto, och registrera dig för webbbank med din bank. KUNDEN Men var d oes pengarna kommer ut. TECH jag är inte säker på att jag förstår. KUNDEN Du vet Gör pengarna ut från den luckan på datorn. En man går in i en New York City-bank och säger att han vill låna 2.000 i tre veckor. låneofficer frågar honom vilken sorts säkerhet han har. Mannen säger att jag har en Rolls Royce - behåll den tills lånet är betalt - här är nycklarna. Lånetjänstemannen har omgående bilen körd i bankens tunnelbana parkering för säker förvaring, och ger mannen 2000. Tre veckor senare kommer mannen in i banken, betalar tillbaka 2000 lånet, plus 10 räntor, och återvinner innehav av Rolls Royce. Lånförvaltaren frågar honom, herre, om jag kan fråga, varför skulle en man som driver en Rolls Royce behöva låna två tusen dollar. Mannen svarar, jag var tvungen att åka till Europa i tre veckor och var annars skulle jag kunna lagra en Rolls Royce så länge för tio dollar. En man kommenterade sin lunchkompis Min fru hade en rolig dröm igår kväll Hon drömde att hon var gift med en miljonär Du är Lu cky, suckade följeslagaren Min fru drömmer om att på dagarna. Washington, DCA tour guide visade en turist runt Washington DC. Guiden pekade på den plats där George Washington förmodligen slängde en dollar över Potomacfloden. Det är omöjligt, sade turisten Ingen kunde kasta ett mynt så långt. Du måste komma ihåg, svarade guiden. En dollar gick mycket längre under dessa dagar. Tre pojkar gick längs stranden en dag när de ser en grotta Den första pojken går in och tittar på en sedel på en stor sten när en spöklik röst kallar ut att jag är spädbarn av moster Abel och den här fem dollar stannar på bordet Den andra pojken går in och når för pengarna när samma sak händer igen Den tredje pojken går in, ser de fem dollarna och gråter ut, jag är David Crocketts spöke och dessa fem dollar går i min ficka. Om du är skyldig banken 100, det är ditt problem Om du är skyldig banken 100 miljoner, det är bankens problem. Där är två typer av ekonomer - de med ho kan inte prognostisera räntorna och - de som inte vet att de inte kan förutse räntorna. En ganska sparsam man frågade banken om ett lån på en dollar och fick veta att han skulle behöva betala nio procent ränta vid årsskiftet För säkerhet erbjöd han 60 000 amerikanska obligationer. Banken, som förutsåg en potentiell depositar, accepterade obligationerna och gav mannen en dollar. Vid årets slut var han tillbaka med en dollar och nio cent för att rensa skulden och bad om Återlämning av sina obligationer Efter att ha återlämnat de obligationer som banken frågade, vill jag inte vara nyfiken, men eftersom du har alla dessa obligationer, varför måste du låna en dollar, sa den täta gamla mannen, jag behövde verkligen inte Men vet du på något annat sätt att jag skulle kunna använda sig av en kassaskåp för nio cent per år. Har du hört talas om irländaren som vändes in i en bilstartförsäljning och sålde motorn. Lottery En mäklare som heter Jean Paul , flyttade till Texas och köpte en åsna från en gammal bonde som heter Ben för 10 0 Jordbrukaren gick med på att leverera åsnan nästa dag Nästa dag körde Ben upp och sa: Ben Tyvärr, men jag har några dåliga nyheter Åsnan dog Jean Paul Tja, ge mig bara pengarna tillbaka, Ben kan inte göra att jag gick och spenderade den redan Jean Paul OK, sedan Lossa åsnan, Ben Vad ska du göra med honom Jean Paul Jag ska slita honom, Ben Du kan inte slita av en död åsna Jean Paul Sure kan titta på mig Jag vann bara inte, att han är död. En månad senare mötte Ben med Cajun och frågade, Ben Vad hände med den döda åsnan Jean Paul Jag slog honom av, jag sålde jag 500-hundra biljetter på två dollar och gjorde En vinst på 898, Ben Didn t någon klagar Jean Paul Bara killen som vann Så jag gav honom hans två dollar tillbaka. När George fick reda på att han skulle arva en förmögenhet när hans stackars far dog, bestämde han sig för att en kvinna måste njut av det med så en kväll gick han till en singelklubb där han kollade ut den vackraste kvinnan han någonsin sett. hennes naturliga beaut Det var förbluffande att det tog andan i mig. Jag kan se ut som en vanlig man, sade han när han gick upp till henne, men om en vecka eller två kommer min pappa att dö och jag kommer att få en arv på 15 miljoner dollar. Impressionerade kvinnan gick hem hemma med honom den kvällen. Tre dagar senare blev hon sin styvmor. En natt gick en muggare med en skidmask i en bana av en välklädd man och fastnade en pistol i hans revben och gav mig dina pengar, han krävde Indignant , Den rika mannen svarade, du kan inte göra det här, jag är en kongress i USA. I det fallet svarade muggen, ge mig MY money .- Varför gav din syster pengar till sin ko - Eftersom hon ville bli rik mjölk. Vad kallar du fem hedgefonder chefer på botten av havet - En bra start. När en tid i en by, en man dök upp och meddelade till byborna att han skulle köpa apor för 10 varje Byborna, se att det fanns många apor runt, gick ut till skogen och började fånga dem. Mannen köpte tusentals på 10 och a S försörjning började minska, byborna stoppade sina ansträngningar Han meddelade vidare att han nu skulle köpa till 20 Detta förnyade bybornas ansträngningar och de började fånga apor igen. Sönet försämrades ytterligare och folk började gå tillbaka till sina gårdar The Erbjudandet ökade till 25 var och utbudet av apor blev så litet att det var ett försök att ens se en apa, än mindre fånga den. Mannen meddelade nu att han skulle köpa apor på 50 men eftersom han var tvungen att gå till staden Om någon verksamhet skulle hans assistent nu köpa på hans vägnar. I avsaknad av mannen berättade assistenten byborna. Se på alla dessa apor i den stora bur som mannen har samlat. Jag kommer att sälja dem till dig vid 35 och när mannen återvänder från staden, du kan sälja dem till honom för 50 vardera. Byborna rundade upp med alla sina besparingar och köpte alla apor. De såg aldrig mannen eller hans assistent, bara apor överallt. Nu har du en bättre förståelse av hur s tock marknadsarbeten .- Vad gjorde mannen när han fick en stor gasräkning - Han exploderade. McDonalds har bara lagt till ett annat objekt till sin 1-värde-meny Citigroup-lager. Pengar talar Trouble är, min vet bara ett ord Goodbye. En kvinna hör från hennes läkare att hon bara har ett halvt år att leva Läkaren råder henne att gifta sig med en ekonom. Kvinnan frågar, kommer det här bota min sjukdom Läkaren svarar Nej men sex månader kommer att tyckas som en livstid. - Varför gör plånböcker så mycket Buller - Eftersom pengar pratar. - Pappa, skulle du vilja spara lite pengar? Jag skulle verkligen, son. Några förslag - Säker Varför inte köpa mig en cykel, då vann jag inte mina skor så snabbt. Advisor den som betalar pengar För en bit av lager råd för att täcka hans förluster på marknaden. Advisory Service - en rådgivare som förlorade en stor summa pengar och började nya affärer. Eftermiddag - en daglig chans att ge tillbaka pengarna du gjorde den morgonen se Friday. Apprentice - Alla som jämnar på din skärm strax efter att du stängt en lönsam Deal. Average Down - vad du måste göra om du öppnade en lång position och var tvungen att gå på toaletten. Average Up - Vad du måste göra om du öppnade en kort position och var tvungen att gå på toaletten. Bada Trade Stupid Trade En olönsam affär som någon annan utför som inte passar din trading strategy. Bottom - när du har en öppen lång position den plats där du ger upp medelvärdet ner och säljer när du har en öppen kort position den plats där boken rekommenderar dig att Öppna en kort position. Bryt en paus du tar när du har antingen 2 lönsamma eller 5 olönsamma erbjudanden i en rad. Broker - någon som studerade hårt och har en licens att lagligt förlora dina pengar för en minuts extra avgift. Kanadensisk den som är short any stock you have. Chart - what you check after you exit trading, trying to understand what went wrong. Cheap Stock - a stock the price of which will decline as soon as you decide not to open a short position on it. Confusion - 6 open positions. Coyote Syndrome - when you feel an irresistible impulse to bite your own arm off so as not to click the mouse again. Day Trading - trading which you start too late and exit too early. Double Up a phrase you employ to explain your open position after you accidentally bought more instead of selling what you had. Down On The Day - a temporary situation until right after the next deal. Excellent Company - any stock you know nothing about on which you carry out a profitable deal. Excellent Long Term Investment - Position Trading that went the wrong way right after you opened a position. Expensive Stock - a stock the price of which will rise as soon as you decide not to open a long position. Expert a newbie who has not begun to trade yet see Licensed Expert. Fossil - a rather aged dude, making less than 90 deals per day. Freak the one who can carry out three profitable deals in a row. Friday a weekly opportunity to give back everything you gained that week see Afternoon. Fundamental Analysis - the process of checking if you can open a short position on a stock. Gap Up - a stock that has a higher opening price than a closing one was the day before, and will go down if you buy it, but will continue to go up if you sell it. Genius - what you are in the eyes of an Apprentice if Lady Luck favours you 3 times in a row. Halt stock an open position impending really good news or really bad news, but anyway, the scariest thing possible to happen. Highlight - selling into the rally while a dude on TV provides the complex reasons why the stock is special. Home Run - every single deal you thoroughly consider, tell other traders about and then do not make yourself. Huge Player - 1 A guy with over 15 thousand dollars left 2 Any trader that has been in such a situation for more than three months. Idiot - a fool that gives you his stock to cover your profitable short position. INCA - if a long position is open some creep that puts up a 50,000 share offer right when you open a long positon if a short position is open the same guy, opening a long position. IPO - expensive cyanide. IPO Internet - expensive cyanide flamb with sugar. Joker - a professional who takes a break to laugh to himself see Professional, Break. Level 2 - the circle in Hell where Satan explains an extremely complicated way how to lose a great amount of money for a very short period of time. Licensed Expert - a dude with a Series 7 license who has not started trading yet. Loudmouth - 1 Anyone that says anything near you, while you are losing a deal 2 A newbie who cannot pull the trigger at first, but finally does it, screaming Yahoo It s running. Lucky Deal - a profitable deal someone else made that does not fit your strategy much. Lunch Money - what you waste away between 11 a m and 1 p m ET. Manager - a day trader who found out a Never Lose Trading System. Margin - if you are up a safe situation with huge potential return if you are down an evil trick by Unseen Forces that can cause you losing more money than you have. Margin Call - what happens when y our clearing firm makes an accounting mistake. Market Maker - the one who set up a secret video camera behind you and who takes the other side of each of your unprofitable trades. Moron - a blockhead, buying your profitable long position. Moving Average - a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you have an open position. Pain - exiting at loss, reversing your position on a stock and then watching it go the way you knew it would in the first place. Position Trading - day trading that went the wrong way right after you took a position. Pro - a guy at trading centre who says nothing and keeps smiling all the time see Joker. Scalping - losing only an eighth in one go. Secret Deal a deal that you do not tell about to the Apprentice when he asks you how you are doing. Short List a daily list of stocks that will rise and never pull back. Short List Request a request submitted to the clearing firm which contains a list of all stocks that you could open short positions on yesterday and tomorrow, but not today. Short Squeeze - when you have an open short position when a person that you have never met before and that should not have anything against you attempts to hurt you and your family on purpose when you have an open long position a proof that you are a true genius. Special Situation - when you watch your losing stop limit go by and open a position of larger volume instead of exiting trading see Long Term Investment. Spread if a deal is profitable sharing your wealth if a deal is unprofitable a malicious market maker who rips you off. System Trading - a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade did not work out the way you meant. Technical Analysis - traditional a voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded Point and Figure a really weird voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded. Top - when you have an open long position the point on the chart where the stock price backs off fast before you get out when you have an open short position t he exact spot where you cover. Trainer - the only man in the room who has never tried intraday trading in his life. Trend Line - an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market is closed or when you are not looking. Up On The Day - what you are when the market closes, not taking into account ticket charges. Uptick - when you have an open long position added hope when you have an open short position a market maker, letting everyone else in if no positions are open a good chance to lose some money through opening a short position. Volume Spike - an open position confirmation that you are either the smartest person or the biggest idiot on Earth no positions are open confirmation that you are the smartest person on the planet, but you were not paying attention. A woman was just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rang She threw on her towel and went to the door Dave, a poker buddy of her husband s was there He looked at her in her towel for a minute and whispered I ll give you 500 right now if you take of your towel for just 10 seconds That s 50 a second She thought about it a second, and then took off her towel He smiled, gave her the money and walked away When she walked back into the bedroom, her husband asked Was that Dave Did he bring the 500 he owed me. A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with 2000 in it She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer. The husband said I m sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer. The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad Oh by the way what is the 2000 in the drawer. The husband replied Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them. My sister fell in love at second sight When she first met him she didn t know how rich he was. dialogu e between two friends - I hear that you drop some money in Wall Street Were you a bull or a bear - Neither, just a plain simple ass. A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit A week later he went in for his first fitting He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, Didn t you tell me you were a banker. The young man answered, Yes, I did. To this the tailor said, Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets. Trading online is great I find it really speeds things up. I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before. Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated. And what, his friend asked, do you want me to do with your ashes. The businessman said, Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS and write on the envelope, Now you have everything. A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost He reduced his altitude and saw a man below Excuse me, but can you help me I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don t know where I am, he said. The man below replied You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude. To which the balloonist replied You must be a broker To which the man on the ground said I am, but how did you know. The reply came from above Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I m still lost Frankly, you ve not been much help so far. The man below responded You must be a trader To which the balloonist replied Yes, I a m, but how did you know. To which the man on the ground said You don t know where you are or where you are going You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it s my fault. Q In these busy market times, how can you get the attention of your broker A Say, Hey, waiter he s waitin always to get the price. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates Ahead of him is a guy who s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans Saint Peter addresses this guy, Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven The guy replies, I m Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City Saint Peter consults his list He smiles and says to the stockbroker, Take this silken rob e and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it s the minister s turn He stands erect and booms out, I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary s for the last forty-three years Saint Peter consults his list He says to the minister, Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven Just a minute, says the minister That man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff How can this be Up here, we work by results, says Saint Peter While you preached, people slept his clients, they prayed.- I see your previous boss says you were a real live wire salesman I m pleased to know that What were you selling - Live wires, sir. Five dollars for one question said the girl to the fortune-teller That s very expensive, isn t it Next. Are you a trader You know you re a trader if Your colleagues call you PIP Daddy You know you re a trader if Anyone got ideas. A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big everything under one roof department store looking for a job. The Manager says, Do you have any sales experience The kid says Yeah I was a salesman back in Minnesota. Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job You start tomorrow I ll come down after we close and see how you did. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it After the store was locked up, the boss came down How many customers bought something from you today. The kid says One. The boss says Just One Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day How much was the sale for. The kid says 101, 237 65.The boss says 101,237 65 What the heck did you sell. The kid says, First, I sold him a small fish hook Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook Then I sold him a larger fishhook Then I sold him a new fishing rod Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft Then he said he didn t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition. The boss said, A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK. The kid said No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, Dude, your weekend s shot, you should go fishing. Frog Two women were walking through the woods when a frog FROG called out to them and said FROG Help me, ladies I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch s curse, has been transformed into a frog If one of you kiss me, I ll be returned to my former state One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag The other woman OTHER WOMAN , aghast, screamed, OTHER WOMAN Didn t you hear him If you kiss him, he ll turn into a stockbroker The second woman SECOND WOMAN replied, SECOND WOMAN Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker. Meaning of potentially and realistically A young boy went up to his father and asked him, Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically The father thought for a moment, then answered, Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars Come back and tell me what you learn from that So the boy went to his mother and asked, Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars The mother replied, Of course, I would We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university The boy then went to his sister and asked, Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars The girl replied, Oh, good heavens I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat Are you nuts The boy then went to his brother and asked, Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars Of course, the brother replied Do you know how much a million bucks would buy The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad His father asked him, Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically The boy replied, Yes, Potentially , you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically , we re living with two hookers and a future congressman. William May I have some money for the man crying outside Mum What crying man William The one that s crying, Ice cream Ice Cream. Helium was up Feathers were down Paper was stationary Knives were up sharply Pencils lost a few points Hiking equipment was trailing Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline Light switches were off Mining equipment hit rock bo ttom Diapers remained unchanged Shipping lines stayed at an even keel Balloon prices were inflated And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market. Dear Dad, chool i really great I am making lot of friend and tudying very hard With all my tuff, I imply can t think of anything I need o if you would like, you can ju t end me a card, a I would love to hear from you Love, Your on. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh Love, Dad. At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, He got away, sir The inspector was furious But I told you to put a man on all the exits he roared How could he have got away He left by one of the entrances, sir. When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs The first replied 190 Wonderful, exclaimed Einstein We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity The second answered 150 Good, said Einstein I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand s nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace The third New Zealander mumbled 50 Einstein paused, and then asked, So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year.- My broker has a new service where they will text you your balance.- It s cool, I just don t think they should add LOL at the end. Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America If I m not there, I go to work - Robert Orben. The banker fell overboard from a friend s sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, Can you float alone. Obviously, the banker replied, but this is a heck of a time to talk business. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory We are very sorry, but it s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss So the doorman leads him to the dorm They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants See, Here is your first room mate He has an IQ of 180 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss mathematics And here is your second room mate His IQ is 150 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss physics And here is your third room mate His IQ is 100 That Wonderful We can discuss the latest plays at the theater Just then another man moves out to capture Albert s hand and shake it I m your last room mate and I m sorry, but my IQ is only 80 Albert smiles back at him and says, So, where do you think interest rates are headed. Father to daughter upon her announcing her engagement What does he do Does he have any money Daughter You men are all alike That s the first thing he asked me about you. Customer Your watches seem so cheap Only twenty dollars How much does it cost to make them. Shopkeeper They cost me twenty dollars to make them. Customer But if it costs twenty dollars to make these watches, and you sell them for twenty dollars, where does your profit come in. Shopkeeper That comes from repairing them. A priest announced to his congregation I have good news and bad news The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program The bad news is, it s still out there in your pockets. Money can buy a House But not a Home Money can buy a Bed But not Sleep Money can buy a Clock But not Time Money can buy you a Book But not Knowledge Money can buy you Medicine But not Health Money can buy you Sex But not Love. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don t need it - Bob Hope. A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog. The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student. The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less - Brendon Francis. Money can t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy Spike Milligan.- How can you be sure you have counterfeit money - If its a three-dollar bill, you can be sure. Smart Investing If you had bought 1000 00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth 49 00.With E nron, you would have 16 50 of the original 1,000 00.With WorldCom, you would have less than 5 00 left. If you had bought 1,000 00 worth of Budweiser the beer, not the stock one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have 214 00.Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson If you had ten dollars, said the teacher, and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left. Ten, said Little Johnny firmly. Ten the teacher said How do you make it ten. Well, replied Little Johnny You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn t mean you ll get it. A man went to his bank manager and said, I d like to start a small business How do I go about it Simple, said the bank manager Buy a big one and wait. Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn t expect to be paid back. A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they d have to drastically alter their life-style. If you ll just learn to cook, he said, we can fire the chef. Okay, she said And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener. An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit Did you notice anything special about the man asks the agent Yes, replies the teller He was better dressed each time. A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, Wait, Fellow Please don t do that. The salesman said, Why not and proceeded to exp ound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped. Sex is like my trading account I lose interest as soon as I withdraw. I went to the bank and went over my savings I found out I have all the money that I ll ever need if I die tomorrow - Henny Youngman. A retired man visited a doctor to seek medical advice for what he suspects as new and very unusual health problems Doc, I feel shortness of breath, dizziness, cold sweats, can t sleep Do you think I will collapse any time soon Doctor Yep You must be from Wall Street. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory We are very sorry, but it s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss So the doorman leads him to the dorm They enter and Albert is introduc ed to all of the present inhabitants See, Here is your first room mate He has an IQ of 180 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss mathematics. And here is your second room mate His IQ is 150 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss physics. And here is your third room mate His IQ is 100 That Wonderful We can discuss the latest plays at the theater. Just then another man moves out to capture Albert s hand and shake it I m your last room mate and I m sorry, but my IQ is only 80 Albert smiles back at him and says, So, where do you think interest rates are headed. I saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking But I didn t go in I didn t have that much time. At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. Look, she said We only met a half hour ago How can you be so sure We know nothing about each other. You re wrong, the young man declared For the past 5 years I ve been working in the bank where your father has his account. October This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February - Mark Twain. I just went partners with my bank They own half my car. New mattress A man MAN calls his fx dealer DEALER all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice He says, MAN Close all my positions, everything fast, right away The fx dealer tries to talk to the man but the man says, MAN Let me tell you a secret You know I ve been married for 6 years now and I ve been your client for 5 years DEALER Yes, go on, the FX dealer says MAN Well My wife has this thing about the market Her grandparents lost it all in the GBP crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to or iginal sin When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the FX market and always leave all our money under the mattress DEALER Wow, I didn t know that I guess you want the money because you are losing MAN No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days. Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars c J Paul Getty. How much money do you need. What s considered enough money Just a little bit more Will Rogers. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars J Paul Getty. A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you re talking about real money Everett Dirksen. The problem with statistics Three statisticians are out pig shooting They see a large boar in the distance, so they jump out of their truck and level their rifles The first one fires A cloud of dirt erupts one metre to t he left of the pig The second one fires A cloud of dirt erupts one metre to the right of the pig The third one shouts we got him so they jump back into the truck and drive off. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father Let s try to make this look natural she said Junior, put your arm around your dad s shoulder The father answered, If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket.- Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them - I did - Well, heres the elastic band. An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the doorframe of his office Asked what it was for, he replied it is a good luck charm that helps my forecasts But do you believe in that superstition he was asked. Of course not he said, but it works whether you believe in it or not. Logic of an economist. A party of economists was climbing in the Alps After several hours they became hopeles sly lost One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, OK see that big mountain over there. Yes , answered the others eagerly. Well, according to the map, we re standing on top of it. Dave has been a cheap tight-wad his whole life His family gathers around him as he lies on his death bed Dave peers up at them and asks, Is everybody here Where s Bessie I m here his wife says The kids We re here, Dad they reply Don t worry Dave, everybody s here Bessie reassures him Dave jumps up in bed and yells, Well, if everybody s here then why is the light on in the kitchen. A young girl and her father are looking at a nursery full of newborn babies All of them are crying Girl Are they hungry Dad No They just found out they ll have to pay for the stimulus bill. What s considered enough money Just a little bit more c Will Rogers.- If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have - Someone else s coat. A woman proudly told her friend, I m responsible for making my husband a millionaire Well what was he before he married you the friend asked A billionaire. Schneider applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he d get the job. Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount Amazing the manager said How did you do it. Easy, Schneider replied I told him if he didn t pay up, I d tell all his other creditors he paid us. An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with 72 The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed 66 He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week The lady said, Fluctuations The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, Fluc you Amelicans, too. A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China He s out there now trying to win a trip back. The economy is the only field in which two people can get the Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing. A preacher went into his chu rch and he was praying to God While he was praying, he asked God, How long is 10 million years to you God replied, 1 second The next day the preacher asked God, God, how much is 10 million dollars to you And God replied, A penny Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, God, can I have one of your pennies And God replied, Just wait a sec. A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is replacing On the last day the departing manager tells him, I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can t solve Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope The message inside says Blame your predecessor He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious market p roblems The manager quickly opens the second envelope The message read, Reorganize This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope The message inside says Prepare three envelopes. I was so poor growing up if I wasn t a boy I d have nothing to play with Rodney Dangerfield. A man was sent to Hell for his sins As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman What a crummy deal the man complained I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, Who are you to question that woman s punishment. One day a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account I handled the transaction and whispered back, Have a good day He started to leave but changed his mind I m sorry we have to whisper, he said, but if my car knows I ve deposited money, it ll break down again With his finger to his lips he tiptoed out. Don t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed George Burns. Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn t have it and thought of other things if you did James Baldwin. Stockbroker What is a million years like to you God Like one second Stockbroker What is a million dollars like to you God Like one penny Stockbroker Can I have a penny God Just a second. My mother decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand Good , my dad quickly replied Wash it again. Jesus saves But wouldn t it have been better if he had invested. A Japanese guy J is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan While he s waiting, h e goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter and says to the clerk C J Wait a minute When I came here I got more dollars for my yen What s going on here C Fluctuations. The Japanese man stiffens J Well Fluck you Americans, too. A guy in a Kia pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled The Rolls owner nods So is mine Got Wi-Fi The Rolls owner nods again Me too What about a double bed No Do you asks the Rolls guy Yep The Kia owner peers out You got me out of the shower to tell me that. Buddies John meets his buddy George and asks him John Do me a favour, could you lend me 100 George checks in his wallet and his pockets, then replies George Sorry, pal I got only 50 John Only 50 Never mind Give me the 50 you have, and you owe me another 50.The real measure of your wealth is how much you d be worth if you lost all your money.- Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire - Sure, here you are - Thanks, but half the pages are missing What s the matter - Isn t half a million enough for you. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows You sell one and buy a bull Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AMERICAN CAPITALISM or Enro-capitalism You have two cows You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows No balance sheet provided with the release The public buys your bull. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4 year s time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows You are surprised whe n the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don t know where they are You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows You count them and learn you have five cows You count them again and learn you have 42 cows You count them again and learn you have 12 cows You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you You charge others for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows You have 300 people milking them You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows That one on the left is kinda cute. Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right The third econometrician didn t fire, but shouted in triumph, We got it We got it. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars. Races Soros and a Bernanke went to the races Soros suggested to bet 10,000 on a horse Bernanke was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc Soros whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince Bernanke Soros You are too theoretical, he said and bet on a horse Surely, that horse came first bringing him a l ot of money Triumphantly, he exclaimed I told you, I knew the secret Bernanke What is your secret Soros It is rather easy I have two kids, three and five year old I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine Bernanke But, three and five is eight, Soros I told you, you are too theoretical Soros replied, Haven t I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correct. A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop It read MAIN ENTRANCE. After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge The judge turns to the jury foreman an d asks, Has the jury reached a verdict in this case. Yes we have, your honor, the foreman responded. Would you please pass it to me. The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, Please read your verdict to the court. We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery, stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the not guilty verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude The defendant s attorney turns to his client and asks. So, what do you think about that. The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says. I m real confused here Does this mean that I have to give all the money back. The market is weird Ever y time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they re smart. An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they d do if they had a million pounds John handed in a blank sheet of paper John yelled the teacher, you ve done nothing why Because if i had a million pounds, that s exactly what i would do said John. If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers. If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I m prepared to forget it if they are - Errol Flynn. A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, Hey, where ve you been I haven t seen you around here much. The twenty answered, I ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff How about you. The one dollar bill said, You know, same old stuff church, church, church. Q With the current market turmoil, what s the easiest way to make a small fortu ne A Start off with a large one. I ll send you some money. A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it Mom said Sure, sweetie I ll send you some money You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago Do you want me to send that up too Uh, oh yeah, OK, responded the kid So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book When she gets back, Dad asked Well, how much did you give the boy this time Mom said Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for 20, and the other for 1000 That s 1020 yelled Dad, Are you crazy Don t worry hon, Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, I taped the 20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the 1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19.A couple of thieves broke into my holiday apartment and stole 10,000 Euros At least they didn t take anything of any value. From a trader This is worse than a divorce I ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife. The cost of living is so high now My wife is having to have sex with me because she can t afford the batteries. There are two things you are better off not watching in the making sausages and econometric estimates Edward Leamer. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn t happen today. A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it There a clerk asks him Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces The guru replies I m feeling rather hungry right now You d better cut it into eight pieces. Q Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first A The Taxpayer. Trading online is just great I find it really speeds things up I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before. A woman returns to her car after shopping and is furious to find the side of her car is smashed in On the windshield is a note Reliev ed she picks it up and reads what it says As I m writing this a bunch of people are watching me They think I m writing down my name, number and insurance information But I m not. Why has astrology been invented So that economy could be an accurate science. Interviewer What is recession Candidate When Wine and Women get replaced by Water and Wife that critical phase of life is called Recession. Case in the firm The owner OWNER of a large brokerage firm made a surprise visit at the sales department s floor After a quick tour he reckoned that someone was standing near the secretary, doing nothing He turned angry and red, approached the guy GUY and asked him OWNER What s your salary, young man GUY Around 800 a week, replied the guy The owner pulled out 800 from his pocket, gave it to the guy and shouted OWNER Here s your salary Take it, leave now, and never come back After regaining calmness, the owner turned to the floor manager and asked him OWNER How comes you hire such a lousy person for the sales department The floor manager FM answered FM Well, he doesn t work here He is just the pizza delivery boy. BULL MARKET - a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. A guy wearing a singlet and slippers walked into the bank and practically shouted at the teller, Yo woman Who do I speak to to open a bloody bank account in this bloody bank. The teller politely told him to lower his voice as he was disturbing the other customers and that she would be able to open his bank account for him. The guy was practically foaming at the mouth Don t you tell me what to do And no woman is opening my bloody account You women are just good for cooking, cleaning and making babies I wanna speak to a man. The teller got up in a huff, went to the bank manager s office and explained the situation to him The bank manager told her that while the customer was always right, this customer was definitely wrong He went back with the teller to set the guy straight. About time a man showed up The guy was as loud, if not louder than before I just won 25 million dollars in the lottery and this bloody woman insisted that she s capable of opening my bloody account for me. She did, did she The bank manager was almost as loud as the guy She was just supposed to clean the windows and arrange the files Don t mind her Let s go to my bloody office and see what we can do about your bloody account. A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, This is a muck up Don t you mean a stick up asked the girl No, said the robber, it s a muckup I ve forgotten my gun. Economist One day an economist died and was accidentally sent to hell As we all know, all dogs and economists go to heaven, but in this instance old saint Peter was off his game and our economist joined all the rapists, murderers and forex traders in the underworld After a few weeks in hell the economist realises that it s not such a bad place after all, it s just chronically mismanaged So he implements a plan Within a few months the economy in hell is booming He has the budget in surplus which enables the devil to spend on infrastructure, and investment funds start to flow in, increasing capital expenditures throughout the entire hellish economy After a year or two God looks down and notices that the standard of living in hell has increased to the point that most of his angels are booking their summer vacations there The beaches are lovely, and face it, heaven is the last place you re gonna find someone who can mix a decent cocktail He phones the devil to ask what s going on Satan explains that they have employed the services of an economist to fix their economy God is not happy You know that all economists go to heaven he yelled, send him back immediately or we re going to sue you The devil just laughed and replied, As if Where are you gonna get your hands on a lawyer. Q What s the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons A The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW s. Ted said to his friend, can you lend me 10 But I only have 8 , his friend replied Thats OK, you can always owe me the other 2.Frequently Asked Questions. Have a question for us Your answer might be found in our FAQs. What is all about We re all about helping forex traders help themselves We have the School of Pipsology a global community of forex traders on our forums handy forex tools like the Economic Calendar and our forexpedia and finally, trading blogs that are constantly updated with market analysis All that for free Can I start a blog on The Blogs section is not open for changes by the public We have our own team of kickass writers dedicated to updating the Blogs section If a spot opens up, we ll definitely let you know You never know, Huck may one day find the man of her dreams and decide to focus on that Or may be Robopip will need to go back to which planet is he from again Do you offer in other languages Nope No Nein Not yet anyways But we are currently working on translating the School of Pipsology in additional languages, including Spanish, Portuguese and maybe Chinese Several languages to follow, so no need to worry Other areas will be translated soon after that This does take a lot of time and work, so please be patient and stay tuned Do you offer mobile email updates for new blog posts No direct mobile updates i e text messages , but you can always subscribe via Twitter, RSS feeds and email subscriptions It s easy to set up for the notifications to be pushed to your mobile I want to learn forex How If you re eager to start learning about forex trading, we suggest that you make your way over to the School of Pipsology our very own guide for teaching beginners how to trade the foreign currency exchange market We start you off in Preschool teaching you the basics of Forex, and from there you ll learn more complex subjects all the way to Graduation This is all self-study, done at your own compliment the learning at the School of Pipsology, we also provide regularly updated blogs a community forum where you can exchange questions and answers with other registered members, our Forexpedia of forex terms and definitions, and several tools like calculators and a calendar How do I register with What do I get Sign-up and that s it What do you get You get the whole awesomeness of the team and community It s totally FREE and there s nothing to buy but tons to gain. School of Pipsology Questions. Where can I get the PDF Is there one For the current and super awesome version of the School of Pipsology, we only have an online presence and nothing in printable or electronic format Before you think of creating one for yourself or even for distribution though, here s why we discourage that The School of Pipsology is something we worked really hard on Countless hours of research and writ ing were spent to make this all come together and the best way for you guys to support it is to go to our website and read it from there After all, it is free. Still want them PDFs You might want to check out our current PDFs available online Do you have a printable version of the School No We want to save the Earth Go green yo I heard you have a PDF for sale Is this true I can t find where to buy it It used to be true We don t offer the PDF for sale anymore, and we haven t sold it for over two years now But you can always come visit the online version of the School It s FREE Can I have a copy of the School of Pipsology PDF Nope Sorry, you can t We don t have one What happened to the quizzes found in the School Are you bringing them back Definitely We removed them when we upgraded the School in 2010 Because the content changed, the quiz questions changed, too We ve been working on updating the questions to reflect all of the new content and making sure we have everything in place Why is the School not remembering my progress Uh oh, this sounds like a browser cookie issue The remember feature of the new School is not actually tied to your user account, but to your computer, or more specifically, your web browser You must have cookies enabled for this feature to your browser may be deleting cookies when closed, as a security precaution Please confirm that cookies are enabled and that they are not being deleted when the browser is closed. If security is a concern and you want to delete cookies, every browser provides a way to save specific cookies while getting rid of the rest The procedure to do this is browser-specific, but a quick Internet search should get you fixed If that doesn t work holler at us via I just finished the School of Pipsology Now what You might want to start with the Cowabunga System It was developed by our very own Pip Surfer as an example of how to create your own system he s even dedicated a weekly blog for it The blog has been available for some time now but if for some very strange reason, you haven t heard of it yet, may want to read the FAQ on have a look at our Forums, which has also covered the Cowabunga System since 2007.We hope this helps in the formulation of your very own system Good luck. Account-Related Questions. Why can t I access Let s get you fixed then We ll need you to provide us more details as to what you re experiencing like error messages you ve received, your IP address, what you were doing before you were unable to access a specific page, etc With all this information, we can assist you better AND faster Send them to Why can t I activate my account Try clicking on the verification link we sent you after you signed-up Check your spam folder in case it went there If that doesn t work, you can always ask for another verification link via and we ll send you one ASAP What s wrong with my username Why can t I use this username Nothing s wrong with your username, someone just beat you to it Let s think of somethi ng else If you can t think of anything, maybe you can talk to us on Twitter and we can come up with a crazy name for you Can I change my username But of course Just drop us a message via with your prefered username and we ll do it for you Remember to email us using your registered email address though How do I change or reset my password To change your password, just log in and go to your User Control Panel To reset your password or username Just click on this link and we ll have it sent to your registered email address How do I post a question in your forums Here are the easy peasy steps to post a question on the Forums. Log into your account. Head over to the Forums. Select a sub-forum where you want to post your question such as Newbie Island. If asking a new question, click on the POST NEW THREAD button located below the Announcement section Type in your title and question, and then click the SUBMIT NEW THREAD button. If replying to an existing thread, find the thread you want to respon d to or participate in. Within the thread, click on the REPLY button located on the lower right hand side of the first post You can also use the QUICK REPLY section found below the last post to quickly add your comments without the advanced posting settings. How do I view the oldest post first in the forums With magic Just follow these steps. Click on the Forums tab if not already there. Click UserCP at the top of the page Forum UserCP Chat Room What s New. Select General Settings. Move down to the Thread Display Mode section, and select Linear Oldest First from the drop-down. Click Save Changes at the bottom of the page. Voila You can now enjoy viewing your forum threads with the oldest post on top. Why is my email IP address banned It is highly possible that your email IP address is being blocked by us for either spam purposes or for excessive copying downloading of our content Excessive downloading leads to performance issues for the entire community and we ask that you discontinue doing thi s sounds like your problem, please send us an email via Can I cancel delete my account How do I do it You re leaving us But why If you could send us an email to using your registered email address requesting for your account to be cancelled and why, we ll reluctantly send you a confirmation email Remember this though, we ll always be here for you, waiting Register again when the right time comes Why can t I post view files in the forums One reason that you re not able to post or view files is because you are not logged in Did you make sure you are What You don t have an account Well then, it s time to register. Business Opportunities. Can I advertise with you Yes you can IF you re a direct broker, banner-only advertising kinda guy But we re open to other broker relationships and offers as well Can I link to your website You can definitely link to our website We d be honored Can I translate the School of Pipsology for you We understand that English isn t the primary language of most of th e world, and that a translation of our content to a new language would open up education to more people But we do not allow the copying and or redistributing of our content This would be similar to licensing our content, which we do not to our content, however, is definitely allowed We re hoping to roll out new languages of the School of Pipsology in the coming year Can I advertise my non-forex product with you Advertisements are only open to forex brokers at the moment Can I copy your stuff Unfortunately, we do not allow the copying and or redistributing of our content This would be similar to licensing our content, which we do not offer You can always link though Can I get added to your broker listing Send us an email at regarding this and we ll get back to you Can you review my product service on We don t write product service reviews from a promotions perspective on our you might be interested in our sister-website, There, you can submit your company and product info for review by our community of forex traders That of course would require someone to have actually used your software, so it s not a total solution But it s an avenue to get your product name out there And it s completely free Would you like to exchange links We have to respectfully say, no thank you We don t participate in link exchanges Do you represent a broker No, we do not We are purely an online educational resourcemon Forex Trading Questions. Can I trust the companies that you advertise on your website That is a very important question that we cannot answer with a simple yes or no We have many advertisers companies that we have worked with for several years These advertisers are displayed on our web site using advertisements and company logos, like you will see in the sponsor sections of our School and Blog sponsors that you see on our website have been working with us almost since the beginning of in early 2006 These sponsors have exhibited honesty and integrity in doing business with our com pany That being said, to be as unbiased as possible to our community of members and guests, we do not specifically endorse any broker or advertiser, nor their products or services. That is where the power of the community, and specifically our Broker Guide and Forums, come into the picture The Forums will provide you firsthand knowledge from traders who have direct experience with the various advertisers and their products or services The Broker Guide offers you information submitted to us directly by the brokers regarding their offerings Combine these two areas of knowledge and we re sure you ll be able to make the best decision for YOU If you need more than just someone else s word to feel safe, make your way over to the US Commodity Futures Trading Commission website or the National Futures Association website They are the regulatory bodies of the forex and futures industries in the US They can shed further light on some of the brokers that interest you. But you must also keep a close eye on which advertisements you are looking at We work with Google Advertising to provide advertisements, which they randomly place in designated areas of our site By design of their system, the advertisements do relate to Forex, but we do not have complete control over what advertisements Google places on our site How long does it take to become a successful trader Trading is a performance skill like sports, the arts, medicine, etc The education and knowledge is out there, but do you have the discipline to learn and develop a method that works for you Do you have what it takes to step up to the plate, take risks, and do the work necessary to review and improve your trading Also, can you control your emotions when, not IF, you lose money Once you have a game plan that works for you, will you still be able to stick to it day in and day out There is no answer to your question that has a general application The time it takes is really up to the time and effort you put in to learning and practice, and your situation in life. But if you re still looking for a more definitive answer, here are a couple of quotes to give you a better idea on the time it takes to be a successful trader Mike Bellafiore co-founder of prop trading firm SMB Capital says, It is common for experienced traders to acknowledge that they did not know what they were doing until after three to five years. And from his book Enhancing Trader Performance, Brett Steenbarger acknowledges that it takes about 10 years of deliberate practice to master the art of trading, as well as any other skill How do I calculate pivot points You can calculate pivot points using any time frame All you need is the opening price, close price, high price, and low instance, during the time frame you are watching whether it be 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month , just take the opening price, the high price the low, and the closing price, and stick those numbers into our handy-dandy pivot point calculator found here It will calculate the pi vot points for the next 12 hours that you are watching Ok If you wish to learn more about pivot points and how to calculate them, please visit our pivot point lesson found here How much should I risk per trade If you are a beginner, your account risk should be as small as possible The reason we say this is because you do not have enough statistics on your system or trading method to optimize your account risk per trade You don t know how often you lose, how big your drawdowns are, your longest losing streaks, you have gathered enough information about your trading we suggest a year s worth of trading , then you can begin to adjust your account risk per trade to your risk comfort level. In general, we do not suggest that anyone risks losing more than 1 of your account per trade Again this is all based on your risk comfort level Read up on our risk management school lesson for more information How long should you spend on trading per day We re not sure how other traders trade, so we can t speak in general terms For our style, discretionary trading, we generally put in an hour or two of research and planning before we start trading for the day After we re done for the day, we will put another hour or two recording the days events and price action, then review and figure out ways to improve our decision processes and risk course, if you trade the longer time frames, this process won t be as time intensive Again, this is how we do it and we always suggest finding your own methods and ways to trade Do you offer trading demo accounts We are not brokers and do not offer any kind of brokerage or demo trading accounts If you re interested in opening a demo account, make your way over to our Broker Guide for more information We ll help you choose the broker that s right for you Aside from that, the Forums also has a Forex Brokers section that may be of interest to you New and seasoned traders discuss anything and everything fees, reviews, recommendations, bonuses related to For ex Brokers Do you offer live, face-to-face training classes is purely an online educational resource We don t offer any face-to-face classes or seminars We re thinking our beauty might be an issue Take our word for it It s hard to concentrate when staring into our faces How much money is needed to open a trading account Since you asked that question, head on over to the School of Pipsology We think you re a perfect candidate It s completely free, it s web-based, and a lot of fun Plus you re bound to learn a thing or two As for your question, if you re brand new to forex, we would suggest starting with zero that s right, nothing You need to at least learn the basics before you even think about throwing money at a trading account However, mini accounts can be set up for as little as 500 Again, head over to the School of Pipsology You won t regret it Which broker do you recommend We try to stay as unbiased as possible by not recommending specific brokers This is best for the every trader is different in their approach and trading styles, so one broker could work for one but not another Head on over to our Broker Guide and our broker review section for more info Will you trade my money for me Are there companies that will trade for me Yes, there are many companies available that will trade your money for on the other hand, take the position of trying to educate traders so they can do the trading themselves With that fact, we do not recommend any one specific company You can always do an on-site search using the search box at the top of our web page for managed account to help you out in possibly finding reviews about such services What s the best way to keep track of my trading history Make your way over to Forums Trade Journals sub forum Take the first step to building your discipline Record and share your progress trade ideas, trade results, psychology state before and after and more Read more about why you need a trade journal in our School of Pipsology here. Top 10 M ost Expensive Medical Procedures. We all know healthcare is expensive in the Unites States Most of us have paid a medical bill, wondering why the cost of that seemingly small procedure is so high But what are the most expensive surgeries Here s a list of the top ten most expensive medical procedures according to a 2008 Millman report and along with the reasons why they cost so much. A transplant of the intestine is done to replace dead intestinal tissue with live tissue from a donor, often because of disease or the presence of a tumor Because intestinal disease is sometimes accompanied by liver failure, intestine transplants can be done in conjunction with a liver transplant, adding more than 180,000 to the bill. Heart transplants are among the most complicated of procedures, carrying great risk Waiting lists are long, and preparation for the surgery is lengthy and expensive Add to this the expensive procurement of the organ, and you can see why the cost is so great.3 Bone Marrow Transpla nt Cost 676,800 Allogeneic 300,400 for Autologous. Bone marrow transplants can be done with a donor s marrow allogeneic or your own bone marrow autologous , costing much less Finding a donor for a bone marrow transplant is difficult, and complications after the procedure are very common Add to this the risky nature of the procedure, the lengthy prep time in the hospital as well as an extensive recovery period, and you have a cocktail for a hefty medical bill. When other therapies don t work, lung transplants are a last resort for patients of lung disease like emphysema and cystic fibrosis As with other transplant surgeries, wait lists are long and cost is high because of the lengthy hospital stay. As with a heart transplant, liver transplants are high risk and high cost, with an accompanying waiting list Criteria are high, which means administrative and prep procedure costs add to the bottom line. With heart disease as the leading cause of death in the U S at 26 , open heart surgery is a m ore common procedure than may be expected Part of the high cost of open heart surgery is because it s often an urgent medical procedure that is usually followed by complications Longer care and follow-up needed after surgery add to the price tag. Transplants of the pancreas are usually needed when a patient has type 1 diabetes or renal failure It is often done in tandem with a kidney transplant, almost doubling the cost of the surgeries at 439,000.Kidney transplants, like the other transplants on this list, are expensive due to the risk, recovery and prep expense The one difference is that with kidney transplants, the old kidney isn t removed because it s been shown it reduces risk that way surgeons find a different blood supply to attach the new kidney to. A tracheotomy involves making an incision in the neck to allow the patient to breathe, either permanently or temporarily Since this is often an emergency room procedure, costs are high After care is extensive, adding to the bill. When lesions on a retina this is part of the eye , also called retinoblastoma, are removed, the risks are great as with the above-mentioned procedures This procedure is pricey because of the precision skills required for this procedure, the lengthy recovery and follow-up. Bottom Line If you think these costs are high, consider that patients with a chronic disease affecting more than one organ often need multiple organ transplants, with bills exceeding a million dollars Why the whopping price tags for all these surgeries In cases of transplants, the hospital stay before and after the surgery makes up about 75 percent of the bill Some of the cost comes from liability insurance those high premiums hospitals and doctors have to pay to cover themselves in case of lawsuits A side-effect of the large amount of liability lawsuits is that doctors often order more expensive tests than needed to cover themselves, a practice called defensive medicine. Lack of insurance among more than 47 million American s drives costs up, since the uninsured use emergency rooms, and often when they ve waited so long that pricey emergency surgery is the only option Add this to the high cost of medication and medical equipment, and you can see how these price tags balloon The bottom line health insurance coverage is vital if you need one of these life-threatening and extremely expensive procedures Learn what your options are in Fighting The High Costs Of Healthcare and Buying Private Health Insurance. Still feeling uninformed Check out last week s Water Cooler Finance to see what s been happening in financial news.